Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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