Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
