I hate all girls vehemently.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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