I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
