I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
