If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
