I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
