I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
