I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
