Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
