There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
