Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
