I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
