i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
