Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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