He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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