I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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