I cockslap morals
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
