wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
