WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
