whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
