he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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