**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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