What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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