hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
