so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize