Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
