beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
