it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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