Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
