Dude my mom stole all your condoms
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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