So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
