Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
