O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
