Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
