used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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