Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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