So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
