if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Congratulations! We have a period
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
