Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
