saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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