haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
