who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
