u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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