Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
