I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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