I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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