my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
