I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
