I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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