I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
