I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Randomize