I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
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Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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