If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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