is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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