a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
