Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
