I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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