I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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