Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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