After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
