am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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