I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
