It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
