someone threw a dead crab at me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
