that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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