Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We are two peas in an std pod
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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