Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
