I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
