So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
